11 Days

I can't believe it's been 11 days since I said goodbye to my sweet boy.  Some days I feel ok and then I look for my shadow and he's not here anymore, no longer at my feet while I work, under my desk, following me to the kitchen, waiting for me to share a snack. That absence has left such a hole in my heart... 💔

Sweet pup, he taught me so much in the almost 9 years that I was lucky enough to have him in my life.  I didn't even know how much I wanted a dog until I adopted him and his brother, who were almost 5 at the time.  Simon is OK, sometimes he seems to be looking for Barney, but it's hard to tell.

I had no idea our time together would be so short, but it was worth every second, even during the last few months of giving him pills and running to the Vet and trying to get him better.  I would do it all again in a second and someday I will adopt another sweet puppy, once this ache has healed.  Maybe in the Fall. I know there are other babies out there waiting for a loving home and I know that Barney would be happy to have me share the love I gave to him with someone else who needs it the way he did 9 years ago.

The Vet dropped off his ashes on Thursday. I had gone an entire day without crying and the site of his little box filled with his ashes, his little nose print and paw print and the little bottle with his hair had me crying all over again.

I know it will take time for that emptiness to go away. There will never be another one like you, my sweet boy, but there will be others to love too. ❤ My heart will go on. 💜😔

Saying Goodbye...

My sweet pup, Barney, is going to cross the rainbow bridge in a couple of hours.  My heart is broken but at the same time, I'm happy he'll be free from pain.

It would have been 9 years in September that we adopted him and his brother Simon, both from the same litter, had been living in a high kill shelter and came as a "package deal".  I was happy to take them both.  They were almost 5 at the time and I hadn't had a dog in about 35 years.  Honestly didn't even think much about having a dog, but my husband is such an animal lover, and I eagerly accepted these 2 pups into my life.  

Of course, the first couple of months I thought I must be crazy, they're a lot of work, but eventually they became my kids and my life, and I have loved them so much.

Barney was diagnosed with diabetes almost 5 years ago and I managed to keep him going despite the naysayers who said most dogs with diabetes die within a year and go blind.  He had cataracts but he could still see me, and I had done so much research, changed is food, did everything I could to keep him healthy.

Of course, what I couldn't control was the cancer in his foot.  That was a surprise, and it quickly took a toll on him despite the many supplements, the toe amputation, the acupuncture, and everything else I tried.  It suddenly started to spread quickly, he couldn't walk on it anymore and his quality of life quickly declined.

I spent many nights begging God and the Angels to take the cancer away, but deep down I knew it was his time and I knew that I didn't want to let go, no matter when it happened.

He is my spirit animal.  We've had such an amazing connection. He follows me everywhere, sleeps under my desk while I work, sits on my feet when I'm in the bathroom, and my heart will ache with the loss of his physical presence, but I know his spiritual presence will always be with me.

I wish that could be enough... but for now, it will have to do...

Goodbye, sweet boy, run free and happy again.  I will always love you and there will never be another beautiful soul like you, though I know one day you will send me another one to love and care for on this earth. 💜