Saying Goodbye...

My sweet pup, Barney, is going to cross the rainbow bridge in a couple of hours.  My heart is broken but at the same time, I'm happy he'll be free from pain.

It would have been 9 years in September that we adopted him and his brother Simon, both from the same litter, had been living in a high kill shelter and came as a "package deal".  I was happy to take them both.  They were almost 5 at the time and I hadn't had a dog in about 35 years.  Honestly didn't even think much about having a dog, but my husband is such an animal lover, and I eagerly accepted these 2 pups into my life.  

Of course, the first couple of months I thought I must be crazy, they're a lot of work, but eventually they became my kids and my life, and I have loved them so much.

Barney was diagnosed with diabetes almost 5 years ago and I managed to keep him going despite the naysayers who said most dogs with diabetes die within a year and go blind.  He had cataracts but he could still see me, and I had done so much research, changed is food, did everything I could to keep him healthy.

Of course, what I couldn't control was the cancer in his foot.  That was a surprise, and it quickly took a toll on him despite the many supplements, the toe amputation, the acupuncture, and everything else I tried.  It suddenly started to spread quickly, he couldn't walk on it anymore and his quality of life quickly declined.

I spent many nights begging God and the Angels to take the cancer away, but deep down I knew it was his time and I knew that I didn't want to let go, no matter when it happened.

He is my spirit animal.  We've had such an amazing connection. He follows me everywhere, sleeps under my desk while I work, sits on my feet when I'm in the bathroom, and my heart will ache with the loss of his physical presence, but I know his spiritual presence will always be with me.

I wish that could be enough... but for now, it will have to do...

Goodbye, sweet boy, run free and happy again.  I will always love you and there will never be another beautiful soul like you, though I know one day you will send me another one to love and care for on this earth. 💜

  

Messages from the Universe

This morning as I was getting ready to start my day, I spotted this beauty outside my window staring right at me.  I was mesmerized!

I continued getting ready as I wondered what message this cardinal had for me.  Over the past year or so, I have forced myself to step out of my comfort zone and try new things.  In the past I would tell myself that "I could never do that" or that "other people can do it better" so why bother?

Thanks to the messages from the Universe, I've started to ignore that little voice of doubt that would have stopped me and the results have been fabulous.  I've gained more confidence and I've met some amazing people.

So I looked up the spiritual meaning of the cardinal and here's what I found:

The cardinal symbolizes friendship, love, devotion, self-confidence, assertiveness, family, home, protection, and angel messages. Thanks to its bright colors and confidence in its abilities, the cardinal represents self-confidence and inner strength, always encouraging you to assert yourself and embrace your talents.

Beautiful message!  He was telling me I have the "self-confidence and inner strength" to do these things!  

And ironically, today was my first time going "LIVE" on my favorite app (Insight Timer) doing something I would have never attempted a few years ago, AND IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE!

If you see a bright red cardinal, it means that you are being blessed with good luck and fortune.

And if you love Insight Timer as much as I do, or need to find a place where you can share your insights with like-minded people, please click here and join me in the "Coffee & Crystals" group!

108

About a year ago, I started seeing the number "108" a lot --and I mean a LOT, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day.

I'd be listening to LIVE meditations or talks on my favorite app (Insight Timer) and I would look at the screen and see "108" meditators or I'd be driving down the road and see "108" on a mailbox or getting my hair done and the total came out to "$108".  What are the odds?  So yes, the Universe was sending me signals!

I looked up the significance of the number and here's a little of what I found:

The number 108 is considered sacred in many cultures and religions around the world. It is often associated with the universe, infinity, and wholeness.

In Hinduism, 108 is considered to be the number of beads on a mala, a string of beads used for meditation and prayer. It is also the number of syllables in the Gayatri Mantra, one of the most important mantras in Hinduism.

In Buddhism, 108 is considered to be the number of dharmas, or teachings of the Buddha. It is also the number of vows that a Buddhist monk or nun takes.

In Jainism, 108 is considered to be the number of tirthankaras, or enlightened beings. It is also the number of vows that a Jain monk or nun takes.

In Chinese culture, 108 is considered to be a lucky number. It is often used in the design of buildings and objects.

In numerology, 108 is considered to be a number of balance and harmony. It is said to promote peace, love, and compassion.

The number 108 is a powerful number with a rich history and symbolism. It is a reminder of the interconnectedness of all things and the potential for spiritual enlightenment.

There are many different ways in which the number 108 appears in these cultures. For example, there are 108 beads on a mala, a Hindu prayer beads, and 108 petals on a lotus flower. The number 108 is also used in the construction of temples and other sacred spaces.

I'm paying attention... and so far, so good...

I had lunch with a couple of friends this weekend.  We stopped at a lovely store (Tibet Tree of Life) and this beautiful singing bowl and mala came home with me. And yes, purple is my favorite color! 😉💜 

If it makes you happy...

 

I must confess, I'm obsessed with crystals.

It started about a year before the COVID pandemic about 4 years ago.  My husband and I attended a workshop led by an amazing woman who runs the Rose Healing center and plays a beautiful crystal harp.

During one of our meditations, she let us all hold crystals that she had placed around the room. It was love at first sight!  

I was drawn to a beautiful fuchsite heart and ended up buying it and a small amethyst tower from her.

Eventually I started attending holistic shows in the area and buying crystals that I was drawn to, mostly hearts because well, who doesn't love a pretty heart? 💜 My collection was growing slowly until COVID-19 when everything went virtual.  A friend told me about a crystal shop that was trying to survive by doing LIVE shows on Facebook and of COURSE I wanted to help, so I bought a LOT of crystals... I mean A LOT! 😁  I was thinking I might need rehab...

You'll be happy to know that I got a grip on it (somewhat) and slowed down after adorning my house with hundreds of beautiful crystals.  I have a lovely collection of Angels, hearts, spheres, towers, a few wands... you get the idea. OH and I also bought a beautiful crystal singing bowl (a gift for my husband who loves them now).  I've since added a shamanic ocean drum, Tibetan bells and a small Tibetan bowl to the collection.  I also acquired quite a few card decks, but that's another post...

Long story short, the energy in my house is amazing.  I look around and it brings me joy.  So ok, I might have spent a lot, but I supported a lot of small businesses and I have enough crystals to combat any bad energy for at least the next 50 years.  Win--WIN! 💜🙏💜 

Script your day!

I've loved journaling since I was about 10 years old.

A couple of years ago I listened to "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron because I kept hearing about a journaling technique called "Morning Pages" and was curious to learn more.

Here's what I learned: Morning pages are three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing that you do first thing in the morning. There are no rules for what you can write about in your morning pages, but it's important to write without judgment or editing. The goal of morning pages is to get your thoughts and feelings out on paper so that you can start your day with a clear mind.

Many people will tell you that you should handwrite with pen and paper, but I'm a tech girl and I love tablets, computers, smartphones, and any format that connects me to a cloud and to a secure way of protecting what I write.

I didn't want to dismiss the theory behind writing with a pen though, so I did the only logical thing, I started writing on Samsung Notes with my Samsung pen on my Samsung tablet!  I was hooked!  I loved the smooth feeling of writing with my smartpen, and I loved that I could convert it to text, leave it as is (which I did) and store my notes securely in the cloud where I can access them with my Smartphone, my laptop, my tablet, etc... you get the point.

So, every morning for the past couple of years, I've been doing these morning pages, but they've evolved.

First, I don't always write three pages.  Some days I only write one, other days it could be more, some days I write about the dreams I had the night before, the frustrations I felt, the joys I've experienced, the hopes I have or just the gratitude I feel for waking up in a warm bed with a beautiful roof over my head.

One after randomly mentioning this to a friend who had done a podcast on a technique called "scripting", I decided that my morning pages would evolve into "scripting" my day!  

So, what is scripting you ask and how does one do this?  Basically, it's technique where you envision how the day is going to play out for you.  It's a manifesting technique, if you will, and whether you believe in it or not, I love it!  

Why do I love it?  Because it puts me in a great frame of mind, and it starts my day off with the right vibe.  And does it work?  YES!  Call me crazy, but I'm manifesting an amazing life and not a day goes by that I'm not grateful.  And no, not every day is perfect, and not every day should be, or how would I know the difference between a wonderful day and a not so great one?

Here are some helpful tips on scripting.  Take what resonates. I don't use them all:

• Wake up early (or just wake up! I'm not a morning person, I confess!) and take some time for yourself. This could mean meditating, journaling, or simply enjoying a cup of coffee in peace.
• Set your intentions for the day. What do you want to accomplish? How do you want to feel?
• Visualize your day going perfectly. What are the small moments that will make you happy?
• Write down your script. This could be a simple list or a more detailed account of your day.
• Read your script aloud. This will help you to really connect with your intentions and visualize your day coming to fruition.
• Take action! Start your day with a positive attitude and go after what you want.

Here are some additional tips for scripting your day:

• Be specific. The more specific you are about your intentions, the more likely they are to come true.
• Be positive. Focus on the things you want, not the things you don't want.
• Believe in yourself. Trust that you have the power to create the day you want.
• Have fun! Scripting your day should be a positive experience. Enjoy the process of creating your perfect day.

I hope these steps help you to script your day and create the life you want.  Again, I don't use them all.  I'm more of a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of gal, but maybe these steps give you some ideas.  And please share any ideas you have!

It might sound "woo woo" but I can tell you it has filled my life with lots of reasons to be grateful!

And if you're looking for more information on scripting, here's a great article I found online:

https://www.wellandgood.com/scripting-manifestation-technique/amp/

Dreams...

I dreamt about him last night. I can't remember the details of the dream, just that he was there, and it was friendly.

I woke up this morning and realized that it was 35 years ago today that we spoke for the first time. 

Wow, how crazy is that?  Who knew where life would take me from that one party line phone call.  And again, divine intervention, had the operator of that line not taken me aside and told me that he felt like he "messed up" and that he was a nice guy, and I should give him another chance, I might not have ever met him, dated him, married him.  Might not have had my two amazing boys.

And for that I am grateful.  I adore my sons and my grandbaby.

I loved that young 22-year-old man that I met 35 years ago.  I'm sorry he died so young and that he didn't fix his relationship with his kids and that he died blaming everyone for his unhappiness.  Deep down, I want to believe that he never meant any harm.

I love this quote that I saw today.  It also made me think of our relationship, and our marriage.

Maybe I didn't really know him, but for a while, my mind made him into something beautiful.

And I have my two sons, and a good life... I have no regrets...

Goodbye to you...

I still can't believe that you left this world.  Only 57 years old.  I still remember that 22-year-old boy that I fell in love with.  We were such different people back then.  We were so full of hope for the future.

Who knew?

I think to myself that if I hadn't divorced you when I did, I'd be a widow now instead of the ex-wife.

Scary.

Glad I'm not your widow, still sorry you are dead.  That may sound harsh, but it's true.  You were often a pain in the ass and I'm annoyed that you couldn't show your sons that you loved them, because I know you did, but you showed it in the most bizarre ways. 

You were often loud, sometimes mean, very hurtful.

But I know that was only one side of you.

I knew the person who would do anything to help sometimes.  I knew a guy who loved his baby boys.  I knew the man who was heartbroken when he had to move to another home and didn't see them every night.

But I also knew that guy who could be mean, selfish, hurtful.

Still, the last thing I wished for was your death.

I wished you would have come to your senses, to tell your boys how much you loved them, to set a good example for them, to watch your grandson grow up and to be a good person.

I wish you could have had a desire to live.  I wish I didn't feel somehow to blame for your demise.  I know that's not true, even though you blamed me often, but I still felt sad when I ended our marriage and had to make you move out.  I wasn't sad because I had second thoughts, but because I never meant to hurt you and I hoped someday you'd be happy.

But in retrospect, I don't know if you had it in you to let yourself be happy.  You spent a good portion of your final years with another person who did her best to love you and you disappointed her too, so I can only assume that you were never going to allow anyone to make you happy.

Did you die sad and lonely?  I hope not.  I hope your time with your brother was good.  I hope you knew your kids loved you even if they kept their distance because you were being so mean to everyone.

I hope you found moments of happiness and that when you took your last breath you weren't scared, but hopefully relieved, free from pain and suffering and struggling, free from the fighting, the anger, the sadness, whatever it was you felt for so long.

Be free now, be happy, be peaceful.

And if you come back in another life, be happy, be light, be love...